CNN: The Antichrist (but I call everything the Anitchrist)

7 May

Yall know I get to thinking when I sit stationary for longer than 3 minutes. No I wasn’t high at the airport today.. though that would have been the experience.

You can tell we’re in a recession because they have the most under-qualified, no-common-sense-having motherfuckers working everywhere cuz all the overqualified people are too proud to check my damn bag. Shit, I’m not above working for a dollar. That’s why I went and got a summer job (well it was really so I could buy myself nice speakers.)

Anywho back to this security check-in fuck’ry. So I put my macbook in with my boots from LF (that were probably stolen for me by that skinny white girl who workED there.. matter fact I know she stole them because her ass was trying to tell me how much I’d make if I sold acid. At any rate I didn’t pay $200 for them).. my tiny French Connection chain clutch, and that weatherproof Gravis bag I invested in at Karmaloop on Newbury. Sounds like a big ole party right?

Yea it fuckin was. These idiots saw the biggest issue with my computer being in the same bin as my shoes. They went so far as to scan the actual laptop.. I got a little nervous cuz I break down trees on my laptop so I thought they’d find residue and stop me. They pretty much made this big fuss and had everybody in all the security lines looking over at the skinny black girl with all that goddamn blonde hair sitting down without shoes on because those IDIOTS were spending all day ONLY CHECKING SHOES AND COMPUTERS. Like I would be enough of an dumbass to put my plans of mass destruction inside either.

On to the next one: So I sit at panda express and try real real hard to eat this nasty rice and this nasty chicken (times like this I wish I was blazed cuz it would taste like PF Chang’s and I wouldn’t know the diff).. sadly I ate three forkfuls and pretty much threw $10 away. I make my way over to Gate A7 and of course CNN would be blaring on and on about really dumb shit. What the fuck is wrong with this:

-black guy on trial for paying a prostitute $300 (yes only $300.. She needs to get up with Kat Stacks).. like every celeb or politician doesn’t pay for sex. Come ON. Oh, wait.. they all have sex addictions. Man people will make up diagnoses for anything! Show me in some history books where famous people had raging sex addictions!

-Taylor Swift pledging money to the Tennessee flood, damages up to a billion.. and every molecule of my body wants to say FUCK TENNESSEE, WHERE IS YOUR KATRINA MONEY or maybe a little bit of HAITI ISNT FIXED YET ASSHOLES. I can hear it now: “Oh yawl, let’s gone on ‘head & help all those peoples out thurr stuck in all’lat stuff.

-some new bill being passed that would strip SUSPECTED terrorists of American citizenship (when really, we need to strip the KKK members of that. Or the crooked cops who get caught. Or how about child predators? Wouldn’t that make a little sense?)
All I know is that CNN’s timing is pretty goddamn convenient, showing me images of a beautiful man from Mesopotamia and trying to convince me he’s suspected of some bullshit RIGHT before I get on the plane and sit next to a whole beautiful Mesopotamian family.

I guess I wrote all this to say: I hate the idiocy of CNN. And I especially hate that it’s on huge plasma screens throughout all these airports, imprinting idiocy in our heads so it’s the last thing we’re programmed with until we touch land. Does nobody notice that there are no rmeotes to these things? No buttons, not even a goddamn POWER button?

Read a motherfuckin book.

On another note, congrats to all my friends graduating from TEXAS SOUTHERN UNIVERSITY AND BERKLEE COLLEGE OF MUSIC! LOVE YOU GUYS! PS: I’m crashing all your parties.


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